So many times over the last few weeks I have logged on to write a new post and so many times I have logged off after not knowing what to say. But the latest comment has made me realise that I have to write something - if only to reassure everyone that I am still in the land of the living. So yes, I am alive and, if not exactly well, then definitely kicking. I must be honest though, I am struggling and am constantly aware of the temptation to restrict.
There, I have written something at least. Now all I need to do is click on publish post...
Monday, March 23, 2009
Sunday, August 3, 2008
Lizzie's diary 2nd August 2008
This week I have handed over even more control. As I hadn't gained sufficient weight, they were encouraging me to reconsider inpatient care, but the thought of shared bathrooms and not sleeping in my own bed was just too awful. So as a compromise, I have decided to go in every day (as opposed to 4 days a week) and to stay for all meals (rather than leave after afternoon snack).
The days are quite well organised - more CBT than basket-weaving thank the lord. I get there for breakfast (8.15) which started off as a cup of cereal (mealplan "B") with 150ml milk and has progressed to a mug of cereal with 200ml milk plus 2 pieces of toast. Then we have a group - something like self-esteem, nutrition or body-image followed by mid-morning snack (which might be a couple of chocolate digestives, a chocolate bar, cereal bar, banana, piece of cake and a drink - they are quite restrictive on fluid intake and I spend half my time absolutely gasping). Then before lunch there is time for us to meet with our individual therapists or with the dietician. Lunch is at 12.30 and is pretty standard institutionalised stuff but not too bad. I have really struggled with the quantities and did a runner the first day I was presented with a full portion so am now back to half-portions and make up the deficit at other times. Each meal is followed by a rest-period during which we have to sit around and try not to expend any energy - no mean feat when most of us are used to being on the go all the time. Another group - either art, gardening, creative writing or yoga - takes us up to the next feeding time (15.30 snack - along the same lines as the morning one). Dinner is at 18.00 and is generally lighter than lunch. Then it is home sweet home, night-time snack and straight into the land of nod. So there you go, my week in a nutshell.
The days are quite well organised - more CBT than basket-weaving thank the lord. I get there for breakfast (8.15) which started off as a cup of cereal (mealplan "B") with 150ml milk and has progressed to a mug of cereal with 200ml milk plus 2 pieces of toast. Then we have a group - something like self-esteem, nutrition or body-image followed by mid-morning snack (which might be a couple of chocolate digestives, a chocolate bar, cereal bar, banana, piece of cake and a drink - they are quite restrictive on fluid intake and I spend half my time absolutely gasping). Then before lunch there is time for us to meet with our individual therapists or with the dietician. Lunch is at 12.30 and is pretty standard institutionalised stuff but not too bad. I have really struggled with the quantities and did a runner the first day I was presented with a full portion so am now back to half-portions and make up the deficit at other times. Each meal is followed by a rest-period during which we have to sit around and try not to expend any energy - no mean feat when most of us are used to being on the go all the time. Another group - either art, gardening, creative writing or yoga - takes us up to the next feeding time (15.30 snack - along the same lines as the morning one). Dinner is at 18.00 and is generally lighter than lunch. Then it is home sweet home, night-time snack and straight into the land of nod. So there you go, my week in a nutshell.
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Lizzie's diary 27th July 2008
I know, I know. It's been ages - I'm crap. But at least there is a good reason for it. I started on the day-patient programme at Cotswold House 3 weeks ago (God is it really that long?) and to be quite honest, at the end of a day there thinking about me me me, the last thing I want to do when I get home is update my blog.
But I have to say, it is not half as bad as I had feared. Yes, it is hard and much of it is not pleasant at all, but the staff and other inmates make it a whole lot easier. The difference between this place and the Priory is incredible. I really feel they know what they are doing and feel that I can trust them even when everything inside me is fighting doing it.
I go for 4 days a week from 8am to 4pm and the aim is to gain a pound a week. So far I have put on 0.4kg but it is weigh-day tomorrow so watch this space...
But I have to say, it is not half as bad as I had feared. Yes, it is hard and much of it is not pleasant at all, but the staff and other inmates make it a whole lot easier. The difference between this place and the Priory is incredible. I really feel they know what they are doing and feel that I can trust them even when everything inside me is fighting doing it.
I go for 4 days a week from 8am to 4pm and the aim is to gain a pound a week. So far I have put on 0.4kg but it is weigh-day tomorrow so watch this space...
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Lizzie's diary 17th June 2008
I seem to have come to a grinding halt. That is 2 weeks without a gain and I am in breach of my contract. I don't know what to do. I was making such progress and feeling so much better and now I am in fear of slipping again. Why couldn't I keep the impetus up on my own?
But at least my BMI is now 14 which is a level at which the hospital would accept me on to the day-patient programme so perhaps that is the way forward.
But at least my BMI is now 14 which is a level at which the hospital would accept me on to the day-patient programme so perhaps that is the way forward.
Thursday, June 5, 2008
Lizzie's diary 4th June 2008
Another small advance this week - a further 0.3 kilos - to 40.3 kilos. Not quite the pound of flesh I had promised my husband, but that means I am now a fraction short of 6stone 5lbs.
Slowly but surely......
Slowly but surely......
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Lizzie's diary, 27th May 2008
Diary entry: 27th May
.
40 kg. Again. Well I suppose it is a nice round figure so its not surprising I've plumped for it.
Sometimes I pray to Cod for the veal-power to stop playing with my words but I fear it is too bread into me. For all I know, the wurst may be yet to come.
I am disappointed though - even the practice nurse had written in my notes that I was "chuffed to bits" last time I put on a pound. I guess it will go in fits and starts, but it is a bit demoralising, especially as I've just announced how well I am doing.
So it is a case of back to the drawing board or rather the mealplan, to identify the areas that had started to slip. And if all else fails I'll just down another Clinutren.
.
40 kg. Again. Well I suppose it is a nice round figure so its not surprising I've plumped for it.
Sometimes I pray to Cod for the veal-power to stop playing with my words but I fear it is too bread into me. For all I know, the wurst may be yet to come.
I am disappointed though - even the practice nurse had written in my notes that I was "chuffed to bits" last time I put on a pound. I guess it will go in fits and starts, but it is a bit demoralising, especially as I've just announced how well I am doing.
So it is a case of back to the drawing board or rather the mealplan, to identify the areas that had started to slip. And if all else fails I'll just down another Clinutren.
Monday, May 26, 2008
26th May - Note from Lizzie
Present weight 6 stone 4lbs, starting weight 5 stone 11lbs.
Weight gain so far - 7lbs!
Note from Barry
"Those of you who are sponsoring Lizzie by the pound need to get your cheque books out and go to www.justgiving.com/lizziegrimaldi because this weight has been maintained since the 6th of May."
Present weight 6 stone 4lbs, starting weight 5 stone 11lbs.
Weight gain so far - 7lbs!
Note from Barry
"Those of you who are sponsoring Lizzie by the pound need to get your cheque books out and go to www.justgiving.com/lizziegrimaldi because this weight has been maintained since the 6th of May."
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